Vol. 36 No. 13 - I AM the Witness

Vol. 36 No. 13 - I AM the Witness - March 28, 1993

I AM the Witness

My Twelve Years of Experience on the Path

Beloved Mother,

It has been twelve years since I went to Summit University in the spring of 1981. They are twelve years of experiences that I would not trade for anything. I would not even trade those experiences that were painful or stressful, for they have provided a crucible for change and growth. I wanted to give you more this birthday than a simple greeting. I wanted to give you a distillation of these twelve years and my commitment on the Path.

Before coming to Summit University I had been involved in a psychic group for several years. The group was led by a woman who was a medium. I remember encountering her in front of a store one day. I said hello and then was struck with the realization that there had been no heart response in the woman or in me. I thought it odd at the time and wondered why. What a contrast it provided to the first time I saw you!

It was during the first week or so of Summit University. You had invited the congregation sitting in the overflow areas to come into the chapel and pass by the altar. I looked at you shyly as I walked past. Upon that contact of my eyes with yours, something arced from my heart and I felt the return current from your heart. I walked out of the chapel as one walking on air and in great joy. I knew then that everything was worth that one moment. Every painful experience of the past, every penny spent for SU was worth coming home to your heart, to God’s heart.

I have grown over these twelve years through the grace of the Teachings and the fire of your heart and Morya’s. Before I came to SU I was self-conscious to the point of stuttering and having difficulty talk-ing to people one-on-one. Even my walk was hesitant. Emotionally, I was dependent on my friends and not very even-keeled. I was disorganized and not effective at getting things done.

Well, I wouldn’t say that God is finished with me yet! It is still difficult for me to get up in front of large groups to speak, but small groups no longer frighten me. I don’t stutter much anymore except on d’s occasionally. I’m able to take actions independently of my friends and without their emotional support. I am much more harmonious and I have become a more effective worker, although I have further to go in this respect as well. The improvements are a testimony to this path. They are as much a testimony as the blissful experiences with God that I have been blessed with during these years.

At one point this year I considered taking a leave of absence and going out into the world to pursue refinement in the areas of dress, hair, makeup, speaking in front of people and professional refinement/growth. I felt I could be more useful to God if I were more refined. I could not see myself becoming a minister without that refinement, but I realized someone must remain in defense of this community and your mission. And in staying there is always the refinement through the Refiner’s fire!

I love our community and appreciate that it is a community in the growing process, with people and things not necessarily perfect. And I am willing to stick with it and work in a constructive way toward improvements.

I love you and beloved El Morya–truly the light of my life in the office of Guru. His dictation of April 9, 1982, had a profound effect on my soul. El Morya admonished us not to take for granted the Masters in our midst and suggested we review his dictations. I remember well his parting words:

Would to God that you should be as some devotees of the East who in a lifetime may receive a single crumb from our table and with this they make sacrifices unheard of and their progress on the Path is great, without any gift of violet flame or any vision of the ascension....

Changes are in order. May you change for the better. I take my leave of you, that in the silence of your own temple you might discover my absence and then perhaps seek me and find me as I truly am.

The candles were put out one by one as El Morya withdrew and I felt as though the light and joy had gone out of my life.

And where would I be without the comfort of the wisdom that comes through you as you give a sermon or lecture or the steadying love in times of trial and chastening? Or even your laughter (as I imagine the laughter of angels to be) uplifting the heart?

I remember when you returned from Washington, D.C., after Saint Germain withdrew his presence there on November 29, 1987. Saint Germain had said:

It is the last time that I shall appear in this nation’s capital unless and until those who know better do better–until those who have seen my calling and heard my word respond to it and postpone not the day of our God’s appearing....

For America has abdicated her role as the nation of Christhood, the eternal Law of God, as the nation wherein The Lord Our Righteousness should raise up a standard, an ensign of the people and a two-edged sword.

I was at the airport when you and the Stump team arrived in Bozeman. There was such a seriousness in your demeanor. My heart sank as I responded to the seriousness of the hour and the state of the world and I thought to myself, “This will be rough going if I don’t hear her laughter again.”

Some weeks later we were watching a news interview with Gorbachev in what is now El Morya’s Room and you were pointing out his crude hands, which he was pounding for emphasis. I looked down at my hands, which were cracked and dry from physical work and the cold. I think many people must have done the same and you sensed our thoughts and laughed a little. You can’t imagine how relieved and heartened I was to hear that laugh!

My birthday gift to you is my commitment to the Path, the Community and to you as my Guru and your mission. So as I wish for your dreams to come true this birthday, I pledge to work to help them come true.

All my love,

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