Vol. 34 No. 43 - I AM the Witness

Vol. 34 No. 43 - I AM the Witness - September 8, 1991

I AM the Witness

Dear Mother,

I am writing this letter after being awakened in the middle of the night. I was having a dream about you and my first thought was to get up and write this. (I’d rather pull the covers over my head!)

I would like to submit the following as my testimony for the “I AM the Witness” column:

I have known Mother for many years in this life (and others, I’m sure) and served on her staff, though presently I am living in the Southwest. There are many stories I could tell of intercession, mercy, grace and joy, but I’d like to write about this recent one to perhaps help another soul.

In the summer of 1990, I discovered I had endometriosis. This is a feminine condition where the uterine endometrial tissue is found outside the uterus. It may be found in several locations, including the ovaries, fallopian tubes, bladder and even intestines. Scar tissue and cysts can also form. Endometriosis is one of the main causes of infertility in women.

I was in a great deal of pain and discomfort and found myself unable to even decree. I could barely eat or work. I was alone and thought I was living my life in the best way I could. I wondered why this was happening to me. I kept strong faith in God and his purposes and called in my heart to Mother for help. I listened to her beautiful album Mother’s Chakra Meditations: From My Heart to Buddha and received much comfort and peace from it.

One afternoon I could barely walk and sat on the patio to read the Bible. Many times in my life when I needed an answer I would call to God and then open my Bible to the exact page that I needed to read. I opened the Bible to the Old Testament and the words literally leapt off the page: “I the Lord thy God am a jealous God....Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” I realized very calmly that I was balancing karma from another embodiment and felt great peace from this. I also remembered Mother’s warning to us to not underestimate the returning physical karma beginning April 23, 1990.

I went to several doctors and read as much as I could about my condition. At this time I could not eat, so I lived on Ann Wigmore’s recipes of wheat grass, rejuvelac, sprout drinks and vegetable juice (Be Your Own Doctor, Ann Wigmore). I found an excellent group of holistic doctors and they got me on a regime of homeopathic remedies, Chinese herbs and acupuncture (even in my uterus).

The allergy doctor discovered I had a lot of allergies, including allergies to most of the food I had been eating–like lettuce, bananas, soy products and wheat. He explained that especially during illness, when the immune system is weak, we form allergies to foods we’ve eaten too much of and then the body needs other nutrients. He also stressed the importance (especially in urban areas) of washing vegetables in water plus one teaspoon of Clorox to remove chemicals.

I hung up pictures of the organs and visualized them as healed, functioning properly and in light, as Nada once instructed us. I started feeling better but it was necessary to have a surgical laparoscopy–an operation in which lasers are used to remove the lesions and scar tissue. After the operation I was put on birth control pills for six months. I found out that my sister and two aunts had had endometriosis and all three were infertile. Endometriosis has no known cause, except heredity, and is often made worse by dietary fat in the body. The doctor told me my chances of conceiving a child were slim, especially at my age (40).

I read the book Infertility and Reproductive Disorders by Michio Kushi and started the macrobiotic diet for endometriosis. For months afterward I practically lived on miso soup, kombu seaweed, aduki beans, daikon radish, kale, carrots and barley, millet or rice. That’s about all and I soon felt great! I never liked any of these foods before (I was always a fruit and salad person) but I felt great and felt their healing power in my body. These foods specifically dissolve fats in the organs and strengthen the reproductive system. I also took Dong Quai, the Chinese root, daily. It has great benefits for the female hormonal system.

During this time I got married and things were looking better, but I still didn’t conceive. I became resigned to not having children in this life. (My desire for bearing children has been very deep. I believe this is because I’ve had a lot of monastic embodiments and motherhood always seemed very foreign to me.) I really let go of the desire and started putting my attention in trying to help others at my job and in our small Study Group.

My husband, who is very athletic, encouraged me to exercise properly, visualizing blood, oxygen and energy to the affected areas. Exercise was never one of my strong habits.

A few months later I realized there was a condition in my life that was out of alignment but I was too ashamed to talk to anyone about it. I would find myself in a sweat, nervous and alone, and finally I wrote a confession letter to Mother. The sense of aloneness soon left and I felt tremendous joy and peace and a love of the will of God.

I truly felt Mother’s intercession and I knew it had been necessary to write the letter of confession. Being brought up a Catholic, I reflected on the seven sacraments and their necessity in the Age of Aquarius (baptism, penance, Holy Communion, confirmation, marriage, holy orders and extreme unction). I knew I needed Mother’s help to overcome my problem and I had to get over my pride in order to confess it. I remember Mother once said she’d “heard it all,” so my sin couldn’t have been any worse.

Soon afterwards, I started feeling ill again and I thought the endometriosis was back. (My doctor had told me if it did come back, I’d need a hysterectomy and, frankly, I was beginning to welcome it.) To my great joy and surprise I found out I was pregnant!

My joy was very great and when I calculated the time of conception, I found that it was right after I wrote the confession letter! I knew that was the last stumbling block to my soul’s great desire. My doctor was surprised, my family was shocked and I am happy!

When I called my sister, the first thing she said was, “You broke the curse!” (Infertility ran in my family as well as endometriosis.) I remember in my years on staff how I would daily make the call to break the curse of infertility in my family. And now I can truly affirm: the CALL COMPELS THE ANSWER.

So I am writing this not only to tell of my experience and victory over endometriosis but to witness to Mother’s role in our lives as intercessor and helper. I believe that all our happiness is truly based on the will of God and that sometimes when we are not happy we need to realize that it is ultimately of our own doing and that an out-of-alignment condition, not being centered in God’s will, is what causes it.

I am so grateful for this wondrous being in my life, our beloved Guru. I cannot think what life would be without her.

All my love,

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