Pearls of Wisdom

Vol. 34 No. 40 - I AM the Witness - August 18, 1991

 

I AM the Witness

 

Dear Mother,

I would like to share with you an experience that I had not long after I came into the Teachings of the Ascended Masters. This episode happened one weekend when I was visiting my parents’ home in Raufoss, the small town in Norway where I grew up.

It was just after I had gone to bed one night and fallen asleep. I suddenly woke up and there was a great force pressing on me like a dark, heavy weight paralyzing my whole being. I was not able to move or speak and I could hardly think. But in the midst of this frightening experience I was suddenly reminded of a story that you had told us about Saint Patrick.

Saint Patrick tells us in his Confession Letter:

 

      On that very same night I lay a-sleeping, and powerfully Satan assailed me; which I shall remember as long as I am in this body. He fell upon me like an enormous stone, and I was stricken nerveless in all my limbs. Whence then did it come into my unscholarly spirit to call upon Helias?

      At once I saw the sun rising into the dawn sky, and while I kept invoking “Helias, Helias,” with all my strength, lo, the Splendour of the Sun fell over me and instantly shook all the heaviness off from me.

   This story flashed through my mind and though I was not able to cry out like Saint Patrick, I whispered the words “Helios, Helios” and visualized the sun. Immediately the weight and the terror left me and I was able to go back to sleep, even if I was a bit shaky.

I am grateful to God that he gave me this opportunity to test the power of Helios against whatever dark force that attacked me. I am also grateful to you, Mother, for all the teachings and stories you tell us so we have something to guide us in our hours of trial. I think that if I had not had this story to relate to, it would not even have occurred to me to make the call.

Thank you, Mother. Thank you, Saint Patrick. Thank you, Helios.

Yours sincerely,

                                                                                                               

 

Dear Mother,

I am writing to you to offer my gratitude and to bear witness to the wonderful gifts the Masters have given me and to pass on some of the lessons I have received.

It was about a year ago last spring that my story begins. My wife and I were living at her mother’s house and making no progress on getting our house built. I was reading some of the books from your recommended list concerning dysfunctional families and the “inner child” and was starting to see in myself some of the effects of growing up with parents who do not love each other.

The criticism and condemnation I felt from my parents turned into self-criticism and self-condemnation that stayed with me long after I moved away. The “self-CCJ” <1> made me look to others for the love and approval I could not give myself; at the same time it developed in me an addiction to self-abuse.

I started a prayer vigil to Kuan Yin and El Morya asking them to perform cosmic surgery on me to remove this “tumor” that was blocking my progress on the Path. After several days of prayer and decrees, I began writing a letter to Kuan Yin, El Morya, and the Lords of Karma. I started the letter while I was in the waiting room of the hospital where my wife was undergoing exploratory surgery. I began with my earliest memories of this self-abusive behavior.

For the next few days, as my wife was recovering, I spent every spare moment writing, writing, writing. The more I wrote, the more I remembered–memories of shame, sadness, self-degradation. Forty pages later, I was done. I burned the letter and resumed the vigil.

Two days later, I mustered the courage to tell my wife and it was at that point that I wrote to you asking for the opportunity to come to the Ranch to “obtain spiritual counseling, to accelerate the cosmic surgery and healing, and to do penance...”

I look back to my ten-day stay at the Ranch with gratitude and humility. After talking to you that first evening, I remember feeling things snapping back into place. (The sound of a chela getting back on the Path again?)  Suddenly everyone was pulling for me and I was pulling for everybody.

I remember wonderful days of harvesting and weeding in the fields, powerful evenings in King Arthur’s Court doing battle with UFOs with our decrees, an exciting lecture and your teachings on Positive Mental Attitude, a dictation by Mother Mary on her Ascension Day, and falling into bed feeling so blessed and thankful to be of service to my church and my Guru.

I am also thankful for the guidance of Dr. Ralph Yaney during several intensive counseling sessions we had during my stay. I never realized that dreams were a means for my Holy Christ Self to send me messages–messages that were “in code” to avoid being understood by my dweller. Our work focused on interpreting these dreams. I remember crying about one dream. I remember experiencing the anxiety of birth. I remember discovering that I loved my dad.

The final Sunday I was there, I dreamt that I was in prison. I was one of the prisoners. I was one of the guards. The guard attempted to discipline the prisoner. The prisoner fought back. I woke up feeling defeated and depressed, as though the whole self-CCJ spiral was back again.

During the day, I began to wonder whether I should stay another week. Then, during my final session with Dr. Yaney, I realized that my dream was not the climactic battle between Good and Evil but just a dream, a message that I should not allow myself to be imprisoned by my dweller.

There was something about that realization that freed me, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I truly had imprisoned myself with bars of my own fears and doubts, but now I was free!  I remember getting more and more happy and excited about this as the day progressed and, by the time you and I talked that evening, Mother, I felt like a rocket at the launch pad just about to take off!

Upon my return, miracles wouldn’t stop. We “discovered” an empty lot less than a half a mile away to build our house on. We did supply decrees and checks came in the mail for a week!  I started tithing and a week later I got an almost equivalent raise in salary!  We closed on the property and moved into our new home on November 30. At work, I received an award and the opportunity to research and write up a proposal for an SDI-related computer project.

I look back to that person of a year and a half ago and I don’t recognize him. Now I see a man ahead of me, beckoning me to catch up to him. By God’s grace and the help of the Masters, I hope to make those great strides. I am most grateful to you, Mother, and I am grateful for this opportunity to share my victory with my fellow chelas.

With love and victory,  

1. CCJ: acronym for criticism, condemnation and judgment.